a new dawn, a new day... a new life.

 Life is supposed to be hard. I know that without the struggle I would be unable to recognize joy. I also know that once you find joy you should hold onto it and cherish it.
I truly believe that a person's happiness is worth the fight and we should all do what we can to be happy (within reason of course!) If you are not happy or feel a sense of satisfaction it is difficult to fully live. At least this is what I believe....

Due to these beliefs I have been struggling with the difficult decision of leaving my job. This was no easy decision and one that I wrestled with for over a year.
It is so easy to stay within a routine. People don't usually like change which is why we are equipped with "coping mechanisms" and I am no different. It is so easy to be shadowed by the fear of change that I was finding myself making excuses and justifying my unhappiness. The terror of not finding another job and the angst of rejection held me for a long time.

Of course it wasn't all bad. I developed many strong connections with my co workers as well as tight bonds with a lot of great customers. However when the love and fuzzy feelings I had towards my job began to interfere with the work I knew that I had invested too much. Somehow the line between professionalism and friendship had begun to blur and I was finding that the relationships I had developed were frustrating and confusing. What happens when you are really good friends with someone you work with and then you are blamed for a mistake at work? Not easy and you cannot help but take it super personally! Yes, I was close to my coworkers and some of my customers but it was still a job. I knew we had crossed the line and were treading in unprofessional, strange waters.

There were good days and there were bad days. It wasn't until after my wedding when the days were mostly bad. It was a sad and stressful transition from "Ok I can do this!" to "I can't!" I began having spells of anxiety and depression towards my job. With school on the horizon and starting a new life with my husband I decided that this was the year to make a change before it affected my health and my marriage.

I guess you really do have to hit rock bottom before you can dig your way out and that is exactly what I am doing. I have found a new job and although it is not earth shattering it is new and I am am now fully equipped to leave my feelings and sentiments at the door. I plan on not getting emotionally involved in my new job. It is just a job where I go, make money and then I get to come home and do the things that I love. Sometimes people are blessed with having a job that they love but right now I am investing in my education, my jewelry business, my blog and my family. These are my top priorities and I am not emotionally investing in another person's business. This does not mean I am going to slack off at work it just means that I have to let things roll off my back, take a deep breath and realize that work cannot define who I am as a person. There is always potential to grow and the growth should be for my sake and the well being of my family not for someone else's personal gain.

Phew! What a ride! Of course this is no easy task and I struggle as I try not to beat myself up about not having "the dream job" but this will happen eventually. Right now I just have to focus on my personal goals.

By the way, I grew the peonies pictured and they smelled like heaven! Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate