growing up is hard to do.

Something has been weighing on me the past few days and I am not sure how to explain without sounding nostalgic or old, but I will try.

 When I was in high school I was unique. Some would go as far as to say I was rather odd. However I often stood out. Academically, I was middle of the road but was offered many unique opportunities that many small town, American kids (in public school) don’t receive. I took classes with upper class men (yep I was the dorky sophomore in the senior lit class).  I was allowed to take the one and only film class ever offered at my high school. I was the lead in the musical South Pacific. Also, when I was 16 I was awarded the opportunity to live in Brazil for one year as an exchange student. So, high school was a crazy, mixed up time that I look back on both with awe (did I really do those things? ) and bitterness (why the hell did we all act the way we did?)

I suppose this is normal.

 That being said, I refuse to believe that high school was the high point in my success and adventure. I refuse to be one of those people that look back on high school as their glory days, the days when they had their whole life ahead of them and living in the moment was all that mattered. That is one of the reasons why I left my job, got married, went back to school and generally revamped my whole life this year. I refuse to accept that I am done psychologically maturing. I have full intention of making my late twenties and early thirties the time for getting a strong hold on my identity and my happiness.

So, why am I bringing this up? Well, being in this play has been a tough kick in the ass. When I auditioned I remembered my high school and early college days when I could sing, dance, act and was well...one of the best? Things were sharply brought into focus when I am the slowest and most awkward of the group. Grrrrr...
I am practicing, studying and every free moment has been devoted to this play but well...things “ain’t what they used to be!” It is frustrating to revisit something that I used to be really good at only to realize either maybe I was never as good as I thought OR my body and abilities have changed drastically in five... (wow, actually seven) years. This is probably the moment when I realize I am no longer twenty. Yet, to carry the idea that I was really, really good at something and then to be....not....is tough.

I know, what a downer! I am really trying to think positively and not be discouraged. What I need is a friend from my early days to tell me that I was awesome then and I am awesome now but unfortunately my oldest and dearest friend lives in the UK and I am sure she is dealing with her own insecurities of adulthood (love you!)

Maybe I am not the Katherine Hepburn I thought I was...maybe I am not even Alicia Silverstone (the only not so great actress I could think of, I am sure there are worse) but I have to be truly good at something? There has to be something that I am really, really good at? Not I absolutely suck at life but there has to be something that I am really, really fantastic at? Or do most people just go through life being mediocre at a lot of things? Maybe high school was the time for me to stand out and now I must simply take my spot among the thousands of people that write blogs no one reads, get degrees they never use and to start projects with no intention of finishing. I can’t accept that but maybe I am staring at a life lesson that I have to face.

I won’t give up and I plan to practice, practice, practice my dance moves for the show but to realize that I am perhaps not that unique is unnerving. Then again, maybe I am just beating myself up for dealing with something that is not coming as naturally as I thought it would.
All I know is I have no intention of quitting. If anything I should take this opportunity as a chance to prove to myself that I am simply, not half bad.

Sorry, I don’t normally rant but this seems like a pretty big deal. I am trying so hard to figure out who I am and what makes me happy and this seems like a break through. Who knows. If anyone has thoughts I would love to read them. However if you didn't read this and are looking for pictures I have included one I took from my father's porch, wish I was there now. Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate.

Photo an Hour: sick day

So I recently contracted Strep throat. After going to the Doctor and stocking up on perscriptions I was quarentened for the following 24 hours. I don't sit still very well so the idea of sitting on my butt for a whole day was not going to happen. Yes, I was going to take it easy but I needed something to do? I knew that reorganizing my closet was out of the question so I thought I would take a photo an hour. I had seen this project on several blogs and thought I would give it a go. So here is my first attempt at taking a normal sick day and trying to document it through interesting pictures. Enjoy!

Wake up 7:30

8:30 Bagheera likes to read emails with me...

 9:30: Husband Pants empty's his pockets on the windowsill. Sometimes his collections are amusing.

 

10:30 Workin on some new designs with Netflix and OJ.

11:30 Designing takes time.

12:30 Planning dessert for Father's Day.

1:30 Avacado, Craisins and chedder on whole wheat English muffin with a side of watermelon. YUM

2:30 Sick days are boring!

3:30 Daydreaming...

4:30 Snuggles

5:30 The quiet observer.

6:00 I'm going to make some tea and curl up with a book.

Ok, ok so maybe my first "photo an hour" was mainly pictures of my pets but I was super sick! I promise next round will be way more interesting. At least this helped the day go by and I am almost done with a new necklace! Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate.

heart of saturday night 6/23/12

With working overtime and play rehearsal I feel like I haven't had 5 minutes to myself. Tonight I am taking it easy. Hanging with the Husband and the pets. I am going to drink wine, maybe do a little designing and breathe....aaahhhhhh. Here are a few photos I snapped this week. Most are of me, my baby brother and my husband being goofy. 

Yep, what a bunch of nerds. Well, goodnight and have a good weekend.
Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate.

fashion friday: Goddess Garb

Having fun with polyvore.com again. I made that necklace and coordinated an entire outfit/situation to match. This makes me want to go on vacation....sigh. Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

and the livin is easy...

Summertime! With such a warm spring I can't believe that today is the first official day.  I know that a lot of my summer will be spent either working or rehearsing for the play I am in. Yet, on the off chance that I find myself with some free time I have made a list of things I would love to do this summer.

Do you have any awesome summer plans? Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate.

heart of saturday night: 9/16/12

Home sick with Strep throat. I am on antibiotics but I am supposed to be "taking it easy" which is something I don't do well. I will take the day and learn the music for the play. I can't sing but I can at least listen to the CD and work on the harmonies. Who knew that you could take Elvis songs and make such crazy harmonies?! Wish me luck. Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

Fashion Friday: Second Stitchfix

I know that fashion can be weird and I am probably a little too practical for some of the fashion trends. I also know that I am no longer 20 years old. So sometimes I struggle with wearing things that are meant for ladies much younger than I.  Apparently stichfix is also wrestling with finding the correct balance between youthful and *ahem*....teen.
I am so unsure about this second fix. I didn't LOVE anything in this box and I know I am supposed to be taking risks but I also want to look good and be comfortable. If that makes any sense?

Basically, I don't want my fashion risks to be horribly fitted or so youthful that it looks like I am trying to be something I am not. There is a difference between taking tiny risks and jumping head first right?

Second time around I asked for more dresses and I got them so I know stitchfix is paying attention but I am still very unsure. So here is what I got in my second stitch fix!
Little disclaimer: my reviews are not intended to be mean. I LOVE this company and am having a lot of fun getting my "fixes." I really appreciate how hard they are trying because my body type is not an easy one to dress. I really appreciate that every single thing that has arrived has fit. If I were to go to the mall, the sizes fluctuate so much that sometimes my sizes fit and sometimes I cannot squeeze them over my bust. Thank you for the solid effort stitchfix.com I really appreciate all that you guys do!
Now on to my fix:

First..JEWELRY! I asked for no jewelry (I make the stuff myself) but I know stitchfix is trying to push me to try new things. They must have interpreted my "please no jewelry" as "I don't wear it" so they sent me a simple chain bracelet. It is pretty but again, I could make it for a fraction of the price. I checked out the designer Rachel Eva's web site and her stuff is simple and cool. So, thank you stitchfix.com I will defiantly be keeping my eye on this designer.

Then there was this little number....there are no words except mustard, satin, and sack. Good idea, poor execution.

Next, a dress from Aryn K. The fit wasn't terrible AND it had pockets but it was a little short and the back was crocheted! I am really hesitant about open backs because I hate showing my bra.

All of a sudden I noticed the front panel on this dress had snaps. You can open this dress up to reveal...nothing? It was amusing and I couldn't figure out what these "flaps" were for...drying my "lack of fashion" tears perhaps?

Then another dress, this time by designer Charlie Jade (website is pretty cool). I would never pick this color off the rack but I love it! This one was bright and airy (100% silk) with pockets too! Since it was silk it came out of the box very wrinkled.

I decided to play around with this one so I added my own belt. I really like the detailing at the collar but it is pretty short. I think I will have to think about this one (its a bit expensive) but more age appropriate.

The Grand Finale was a cardigan that looked like something straight out of the 1920s. Designed by an Australian company called Ladakh I was impressed by the quality although puzzled on exactly how or when I would wear this.

 

The black lace is sexy and this may look great with a black dress? Or black pants? Maybe paired with a long cigarette holder and some moonshine? Is this shirt speakeasy appropriate? I joke but this top is pretty neat. I am unsure about this as well but it is so different...

 

Well, this second stitchfix may have been less than perfect but it was still so, so, so much fun! Thanks again stitchfix! Are there any pieces that you really like? Any suggestions on what I should keep? Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

Tutorial: quick slinky bracelet

Hello all!! Today I thought I would share a super quick and inexpensive way to make a new piece of jewelry. I have always loved my "slinky bracelets" and they are an easy way to accessorize.

All you will need is:
 An amazing product called Memory Wire.  It is literally like a slinky and keeps its round shape. You can find Memory Wire at any craft store.
A pair of round nose pliers
A pair of heavy duty wire cutters (scissors will not cut this.)
Beads!

 

You take one end of the memory wire and you make a tiny loop with the pliers.

Then you take the other end and you string your beads. You can make this bracelet really chunky by adding beads to a lot of rings or just enough so it wraps around your wrist...up to you!

Once your bracelet it the desired "length" you leave yourself a fingernail's width of space and you cut off the rest. Don't forget to push all your beads towards the first loop you made.

Then you simply form a loop on the other side! That is it!

Super easy! I made this example in 12 minutes! Have fun! 

Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

button, button...who's got the button??

Since this blog thing is bringing me so much happiness I have decided to design a few buttons...may be a good thing? With the help of Becky Bedbug I believe I have figured it out! Thanks girl! What do you think? Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

mix it up!

New job, new outlook... why not some purple hair? Thought I would mix it up! The dress I am wearing is part of my latest stitchfix which I will blog about on Friday. Check back!  Today, I plan on designing some jewelry for a fellow blogger (eep!), cleaning the house and then dinner with my sis-in-law. Happy Sunday everyone! Thanks for looking.
 Love, Ms. Kate

heart of saturday night 6/9/12

Today is my sisters birthday! Yes she is a tiny bit older than me but we are like two peas in a pod. She is incredibly smart and creative with a great twinkle in her eye. I love her laugh and have always admired her fashion sense.
This year she has risen to the occasion and has proved to herself (and everyone else) that she is one of the best mothers on the planet.

I love you CB. You are wonderful! I wouldn't be able to survive without you. Happy Birthday!

Yes, I drank Dunkin Donuts coffee on my wedding day....lol!

Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate

fashion friday: room for rompers

I have wanted to find a romper that fit my body type for a long time.  I love the way they look, comfy and retro. Rompers remind me of vacations to woodland parks and lake resorts...in 1968? It has been very difficult to find one to fit this curvy frame. Recently, I was out thrifting and I picked up this little number for $2.99! I think I am going to have to hem the shorts but I love owning  this vintage item and hopefully I can rock it this summer...I'm thinking belted with wedges and big sunglasses!

I will be blogging about my second stitchfix next Friday so check back for that.  I am also getting my hair colored and cut this week...I think something totally crazy for summer! Do you have any retro pieces that you love rocking in the summer?
Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate.

a new dawn, a new day... a new life.

 Life is supposed to be hard. I know that without the struggle I would be unable to recognize joy. I also know that once you find joy you should hold onto it and cherish it.
I truly believe that a person's happiness is worth the fight and we should all do what we can to be happy (within reason of course!) If you are not happy or feel a sense of satisfaction it is difficult to fully live. At least this is what I believe....

Due to these beliefs I have been struggling with the difficult decision of leaving my job. This was no easy decision and one that I wrestled with for over a year.
It is so easy to stay within a routine. People don't usually like change which is why we are equipped with "coping mechanisms" and I am no different. It is so easy to be shadowed by the fear of change that I was finding myself making excuses and justifying my unhappiness. The terror of not finding another job and the angst of rejection held me for a long time.

Of course it wasn't all bad. I developed many strong connections with my co workers as well as tight bonds with a lot of great customers. However when the love and fuzzy feelings I had towards my job began to interfere with the work I knew that I had invested too much. Somehow the line between professionalism and friendship had begun to blur and I was finding that the relationships I had developed were frustrating and confusing. What happens when you are really good friends with someone you work with and then you are blamed for a mistake at work? Not easy and you cannot help but take it super personally! Yes, I was close to my coworkers and some of my customers but it was still a job. I knew we had crossed the line and were treading in unprofessional, strange waters.

There were good days and there were bad days. It wasn't until after my wedding when the days were mostly bad. It was a sad and stressful transition from "Ok I can do this!" to "I can't!" I began having spells of anxiety and depression towards my job. With school on the horizon and starting a new life with my husband I decided that this was the year to make a change before it affected my health and my marriage.

I guess you really do have to hit rock bottom before you can dig your way out and that is exactly what I am doing. I have found a new job and although it is not earth shattering it is new and I am am now fully equipped to leave my feelings and sentiments at the door. I plan on not getting emotionally involved in my new job. It is just a job where I go, make money and then I get to come home and do the things that I love. Sometimes people are blessed with having a job that they love but right now I am investing in my education, my jewelry business, my blog and my family. These are my top priorities and I am not emotionally investing in another person's business. This does not mean I am going to slack off at work it just means that I have to let things roll off my back, take a deep breath and realize that work cannot define who I am as a person. There is always potential to grow and the growth should be for my sake and the well being of my family not for someone else's personal gain.

Phew! What a ride! Of course this is no easy task and I struggle as I try not to beat myself up about not having "the dream job" but this will happen eventually. Right now I just have to focus on my personal goals.

By the way, I grew the peonies pictured and they smelled like heaven! Thanks for looking. Love, Ms. Kate